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A Bold New (old) Direction!

Friday, February 1, 2008

Well folks, SpedRex is back. It's been a long hiatus, but I've finally figured out what I, being the magnamimous soul that I am, can share with all of you. Ready? Here's my big revelation:

News.

Yes, folks, I, SpedRex, do hereby pledge to bring you the news, in all its unadulterated and boring beauty. Some of you are probably wondering, "What the hell is he talking about? I watch and read and hear the news all the time!"

No, you don't, and neither do I, which is why I must do this. You see, folks, it is my belief that we really haven't heard news in a long, long, time. I can tell you the latest on Brittany Spears' new album, I'm a Skeezy Skank with no Talent, but I'll be damned if I could tell you the platforms of any of the major presidential candidates this year. Hell, I'd be surprised if more than five people could tell me the differences between Hillary and Obama (and saying "he's black and she's a woman," doesn't count).

I'm not really sure when this happened to news in this country. I have my theories. One, and this isn't a theory as much as a fact, is that 99% of journalism majors (and current journalists) are jerkoffs. They don't become journalists to report the news, they do it to become the news. Just ask Mike Wallace and all the "reporters" on 60 Minutes, a show that once interviewed kings, and now interviews Vince Young. Way to honor the legacy of Edward R. Murrow, fellas; I know when I think 60 Minutes, I think of interviews with marginal 2-year NFL quarterbacks.

Not only are most journalists jerks, but their jerkiness is now on full display on camera. This is due in part to the John Stewart effect, of turning the news into entertainment. When once the news was simply presented to us, it is now packaged for us. Keith Olberman is the best example of this; he is John Stewart on MSNBC. I like John Stewart. There's a big difference between Olberman and Stewart, though, which is that Stewart is on a comdey show on a comedy network, while Olberman is presented legitimately on MSNBC.

Chris Matthews is the same thing. So are all the mutants inhabiting FOX News. I'm almost positive that Bill O'Reilly and Chris Matthews are at least brothers, if not the same person wearing different makeup.

I'd really like to be able to tell someone what is going on with the writer's strike, but it was never well explained by any news outlet on TV. They told there was a strike, and then proceeded to tell about all the wacky new reality shows coming out as a result. In fact, I had to look on the internet, and I really had to dig, to find out any realy info.

So from now on, SpedRex will bring you at least one real news story a day, starting on Monday, because I have to work tomorrow. What's a real news story, you ask? Well, if it has "Brittany" and "Spears" in the same sentence, it probably isn't news, unless the sentence is "Iran's government cracks under international pressure like Brittany Spears at a maternity ward." If the story has anything to do with what famous person is fucking another famous person, it ain't news. News consists of that which is important. While I will decide what is important for me to write about, trust me when I say I will make a concerted effort to avoid what is simply interesting in favor of what is important.

So, with that, I'm off to find the news!

As always, check back for more news, insights, and opinions from SpedRex!
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